Look me in the eye, and tell me that you love me!

When was the last time you stopped what you were doing, really stopped, and looked your child in the eye? Our lives raising children are busy and hectic. Somehow our society has put multitasking up on a pedestal. Our screens are all-consuming and we are not taking the time to stop and look each other in the eye and hear each other. REALLY hear each other.

Now imagine two people who are deaf not looking at each other during a conversation. (Hint: there would be no conversation). To communicate with sign language you MUST look at each other. This is why they say teaching your baby sign language increases the parent child bond. It forces you to look at your child during communication attempts. It tunes you in to their thoughts, needs and desires more closely. I cannot tell you how many mothers who are teaching their baby sign language can say- “Oh, that’s her sign for___.” because they have been tuned in to their child’s needs and wants so closely that they have noticed the cause and effect of what others may see as a nose scratch.

When we are born our eyesight is not fully developed. By eight weeks infants can focus on the faces around them and have started to develop hand, eye coordination. By eight months they have developed depth perception and by 18 months they are very interested in looking at everything in the world around them. As a child begins to communicate, they have already been watching for a long time.

Have you ever had a conversation with someone who was not making eye contact? It probably left you feeling distrustful or left you feeling like they were not listening. We all feel more comfortable when we can see the eyes of our communication partners. We gather a lot of extra information from the eyes. That is why you can have an entire conversation with someone from across the room with just your eyes and never communicate a word.

Have you ever walked by someone and purposefully not made eye contact just so you would not have to get into a conversation with them? Eye contact gives us information about other people’s desire to, or not to, communicate with us. It provides both communicators with subtle social clues as to how the other person is feeling. This is why medical professionals carefully consider the role of eye contact in the therapies of patients with Autism.

Have you ever asked someone to “look me in the eye and say it” to gauge if they were telling the truth? Eye contact is powerful! It is as much a part of the conversation as the words are. Looking in their eyes can tell you the emotion, intent or the intensity of the person’s words. A study headed by Stephen Janik and Rodney Wellens at the University of Miami in Florida found that 43.4 percent of the attention we focus on someone is devoted to their eyes,

A child’s ability to make eye contact while communicating with others is also important. We often equate a child’s ability to make eye contact with adults as a sign of confidence and good manners. So be a role model for your child. When they are teenagers, you will expect them to put down their phones and look at you when you walk into their room. So start by doing the same for them now. Danielle Stringer, RN encourages us to show them that they are more important than the technological distractions of everyday life.  Because after all they are.

Take my word for it now. Or one day your 9 yr old will come in to the room while you’re on your phone and tell you about he and his friend finding yet another awesome mod on Minecraft when an elephant came in and ate the computer. ”Wait, what?” Just checking to see if you were listening….